READ THIS Before Marriage

⏱ 4 minute read

Much of a person’s happiness or grief after Marriage will most likely result from their marriage. A statistic I read a few years ago stated that Australians spend three billion dollars a year getting married and six billion per year on divorce related costs. Everyone owes it to their future self to be in a healthy, productive, no-toxic marriage, and this simply begins before getting married by making the right choice for themselves and offspring.

Compatibility is Key

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Make a good choice for your offspring. Marry those who are compatible, and get married to them.” (Ibn Maajah) Compatibility includes having shared vision, beliefs, standards, values and interests. The ideal spouse is someone who you feel you can be yourself around them, someone that will be one of your greatest sources of strength. That special someone must be able to contribute to your physical, spiritual and emotional needs. Your potential spouse must be made aware of your expectations, and this must be well defined.

Avoid Failed Expectations

Compatibility and failed expectations are amongst the top 10 reasons why Muslims end up in divorce. Be sure to compile a list of questions to ask your potential spouse, identifying in no uncertain terms what you want, otherwise you may run the risk of getting what you don’t want. Another question to ask yourself is if this person you are thinking of marrying is someone you can honestly say you would like your children to turn out like.

Questions You Must Answer YES to before proceeding with the Marriage

Do I respect and admire this person? Do I trust this person and can I rely on them? Do I feel safe emotionally and physically around this person? Can I be myself, and do I feel calm and at peace around this person? If the answer is “I don’t know”, “I’m not sure.” etc., then keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel.

Don’t Marry Potential

Often times men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes can change. This is a wrong approach on both accounts. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with him or her as they are, then don’t marry them. Differences may include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills and so on.

Beware of Family Interference

From amongst the major causes that lead to divorce is family interference. Family interference is ranked number five in divorce statistics gathered from Muslim communities around the world. Countless cases point towards marriage toxicity when a couple end up living with their in-laws. In light of these unhealthy experiences, living with in-laws, and especially in the case of living with the parents of the husband, should be avoided at all costs. Having said this, there may be cases that warrant living with in-laws. Be sure to ask the questions about living arrangements and how much family involvement will family members play in your future lives together.

Be sure there is Attraction

Another key contributor to be mindful of when selecting a spouse is to ensure that there is attraction towards the potential spouse. There have been many cases of divorce where despite being compatible, one spouse may have not been attracted to their partner. Research reveals that in most cases, chemistry between couples is something that may not by manipulated.

Include Allah in when Making One of The Most Important Decisions of Your Life

Once a person has ensured compatibility and attraction, the next step is to pray two units of prayer and supplicate to Allah by virtue of the Dua of Divine Intervention – Istikhaarah. (This prayer and supplication is found in the book ‘Fortress of the Muslim’ or online.)